11/26 - PM - Annabelle = FUN

I have had a lot on my mind over the past couple of days and most of it has been pretty painful. I wanted to write about it, but the things below came to mind instead. I hope I can get to that other "stuff" some time soon.

An exciting thing happened today - Annabelle was able to spend a couple of minutes with Emily. When she has been at the hospital she stands by the entrance to the PICU and waits for the door to open to she can catch glimpses of Emily's bed or a stuffed animal on her bed. She would report, "Daddy! I saw Emily's tiger's ear!!" Then, when the door started to close she'd hit the button on the wall that makes them open again. Such a sly kid! Then she'd have to stop b/c someone would come lookin' for the adult responsible, me. hehe -- I just let her do it until someone seems to mind b/c I think it's great that she just wants to get as close to Emily as possible - I can't justify telling her that she can't do that. So, she got to give Emily some kisses and tell her she loves and misses her. I can't emagine what it is like to be Annabelle. I'd be much weaker I think.

Emily had a good day. She was as active as we've seen her in two weeks and some friends, Lita and Vicki, were able to experience that with us. My mom had some good Grandma/Granddaughter time with her too -- that's always nice!! She did have a rough night b/c her respiratory rate was so high and she wasn't able to calm down much, but maybe she was just trying really hard to make sure we all had a fun day. :) We are still here for a bit though. We have to get her back on a regular feeding schedule and we need to get her weaned from the BiPAP, at least to what we do at home. So we are not packing up just yet.

Annabelle and I attended New Song Community Church this morning and that was a blast. Pastor Williams spoke about "Redistribution" and how we are to live Open-Handed and Open-Hearted towards the poor and needy in our community. He spoke from Deut. 15:7-11 and Acts 4:32-37 and it was good. I was reminded that nothing I have is mine -- I am only a steward of the things I have b/c they are God's, including my children and my sufferings. I could not help but think about our situation. Not only are my kids not mine, but my emotions and the experience is not mine either. I must be willing to be open-handed and open-hearted with our experiences just as readily as I might be with our finances and time. If I am unwilling to share these things with you, then I am not trusting God's purpose for them. I think we often do not think of it that way. We think of sharing as if it only has to do with physical possessions... and sometimes time, but what about our oh-so-private emotional possessions and experiences -- those things we hoard to our own detriment?

Peace <><